BFF 92 "Can't Buy Me Love" My Muses

For my muses...
From the moment I know you were conceived, I loved you! From the moment you were born, I'd do anything for you. From the moment I held you, I knew that I would never let you go...


At this point in my life, I am now a stay at home mom(sahm). From the very beginning, I worked hard for the money, so hard for it honey! "Babies need shoes!" was my mantra. They also needed clothes, food, shelter, etc. As a young parent you almost have to work twice as hard to provide for them. As the kids got older and I made a little more money, their needs became more expensive. I had this Idea in my mind that although I would not give into my children every "I want, I want, I want", I would give what I thought they needed and a little of what they wanted. Albeit, it was usually a little later than they wanted and the next generation was on the verge of being reveled. 


I struggled with the school of thought that the majority of my generation was giving everything to their kids with out betting an eye. Most of the kids that I went school with weren't given everything. Most of all, they had two parents in the home. Still most of them had jobs to afford them the "luxuries" they desired, as did I. Makes me wonder if they were missing something. I came from a single parent home. It was a given for me to work but I am certain now that my mom was instilling in me a work ethic. It wasn't just about having what you wanted. It was a about working for it. Money can't buy that!


So at some point in time, I had the twisted thinking that the harder and longer that I worked, my children would love me more! Ridiculous, I know. I needed to work to prove I could provide for them on my own eventually. At the time, I didn't regret my choice to work outside the home. Due in part to the fact that I didn't know any better. My mom worked outside the home my whole life with the exception of a few times were she babysat in our home. I never felt neglected or abandoned. Nor did I get labeled a "latch key kid". My Grandma Goldie lived with us for the majority of my childhood, so I always had a parent to go to, as well. Money can't buy those kinda memories!


It was only natural that at times my mom lived with us. She assumed the role of the parent as did her mother. I traveled quite a bit with my job and I knew that kids were safe and cared for in the home that I bought and maintained. I felt a great sense pride at what I had created for them- as normal as normal gets. The kids hardly ever complained as it was all they have ever known. I loved them and they knew that. Even at times being deemed the "Disneyland Mom" by my own mother. What she did not understand was that I was making up for lost time with the kids! I could make lot of money but I could not make up time with them that had been lost. Money can't by time lost.


When the time came that I could stay at home and care for the family and house, I jumped at the chance. Packing lunches, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, greeting everyone with a smiling face when they get home seems like a reward worth the wait! We don't have as much money, left overs are a new concept, nagging to clean their rooms, and reminding them to do their chores are new to me. None the less, they all love mom being home all the time. I hear almost everyday and most of the time I get "on the spot" rewards like hugs, kisses, and flowers picked on the way home. 


...I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love.

BFF 93 "Return to Sender"~Letter From A Fallen Soldier

If i die in a combat zone
Box me up and ship me home
If i die and still come home
Lay me where the rose is sown
Where the Rose Is Sown~Big Country


Hey Mom, 
If you are reading this, I am coming home one last time. I fought the good fight just like taught me, too. Now, I get to be with Dad. Please don't be sad. You know how much  I always wanted to meet him. I feel like I already know him through all the stories you told when I was punk kid. I know I am gonna hear it from him when I see him! If had a dime for every time you said "Your dad would be rolling over in his grave if knew what you've done, Noah!" I'd be rich! Come on you gotta laugh at that, right? 


We are headed up to Konengal tomorrow and it getting pretty hot and heavy there now. No telling what's gonna go down but I got this feeling so I want say thanks for all that you've done for me and I love you like no other. Thanks for keeping Dad's memory alive and instilling me the meaning of being a real man is. I know it wasn't easy for you raising all on your own and you sacrificed a lot for me. Sorry that I kept you all night worrying about where I was and when I was gonna be home. Thanks for supporting me when I joined up. I know you had your doubts. I know it was hard cause of Dad but I had to do it. I really have learned a lot from these guys and made some awesome friends. I asked my buddy, Joe,to bring you this letter if I didn't make it.  We could BE brothers! Our CO called us the "Bopsy Twins", whatever the hell that means. We had big laugh yesterday when we were gearin up bout how we should all put big huge signs on our coffins sayin "RETURN TO SENDER"! It was funny at the time! 


Ok now for the sappy stuff... You are the BESTEST MOM the whole world! I love you with all my heart! I could not have gotten this far in life if it weren't for you. Thanks for playing football with me and takin me to all my practices and games. Thanks for cheering me on(Yeah, I heard ya!!) and bringing the hot cocoa afterwards. Thanks for staying with me all those countless hours in the ER. Thanks for the PS3 and all the COD games! Thanks for cheering me up after Ashleigh dumped me(Man, I loved her). Thanks for letting me take Morgan to the prom in your brand new ride(Man, I love her).Thanks for the care packages( I had to guard them with my life LOL!!!). Never thought I would be so thankful for baby wipes. Thanks for the letters and pictures. Just to name a few of the things that you've done for me.


I want to be buried next to Dad at Fort Snelling. I want red roses, real ones and I want you play Green Day-When September Ends,  I always loved that song. It reminded me of Dad. I wrote a letter for Morgan, too. Will stay with her when she reads it? She isn't as strong as you and it would mean the world to me. Let her know that I had to what I had to do. She wasn't very happy with me when I told her I was joining up. She didn't get it. Who knows, maybe she never will. Just be there for her. Hope I am not asking too much...


I love you too much, Mom. Proud to be your son and a soldier


Love, Noah